Dear Angelo,

You know sometimes this deep sadness reaches me and I can’t help but break down and cry as I still mourn for everything that changed and was lost that day. The day you died, a part of me went with you. And I don’t think I’ve ever been able to get it back. I cannot explain it. I have flashbacks that transport me through time and space as if it’s just happening now. It’s always a song, a color, some reference that triggers it, the way the sun is shining, it could be anything. And then suddenly I feel like I’m there with you and it’s happening all over again. We fall. It’s dark. We’re trapped. We can’t breathe. And all I want to do is dig through all this impossible steel and concrete and find you and take you home. I can’t see and I’m choking on my tears, the lumps rising in my throat as I dig with my bare hands unable to move a thing. I can’t reach you. I can see you but I can’t reach you. I couldn’t reach you then And I can’t reach you now. But I can’t stop clawing at it. I needed to bring you home. I wasn’t able To bring you home. I don’t think I have ever forgiven myself for failing that day. My silent screams still echo in time, unable to make any sound other than this unetheral feral screech. I don’t know at which point life left your body. But I do know that the moment your heart stopped, mine was changed forever.

I miss you so much. I’m so sorry.

Posted by Girolama Gambino