The Empty Chair
The Empty Chair - Does it signify honoring your loved one’s presence or remind you of their absence?
I just watched the Netflix series, Death by Lightening, about our 20th President, James Garfield. The question was raised if President Garfield, after his brief presidency would be remembered. The film concluded many years later with his wife, children and grandchildren gathered around a table that he built. An empty chair was placed at the head of the table signifying President Garfield’s presence.
For anyone who has lost a loved one, holidays can often trigger mixed emotions that can be complicated by conflicting views - how do we honor our loved one’s memory without the painful reminder of their absence. How do we carry on family traditions that include their memory? How do you decide when family members have different points of view?
The holidays had always been a joyful time of year for me – carrying on my grandfather’s traditions of creating a “winter wonderland” in our home - a tree filled with bubble lights and family ornaments collected over the years. My family traditions included gathering with family and friends, selecting presents, creating gingerbread houses and Christmas cookies and hosting parties. When we lost our son Brad, the holidays were cumbersome and took on a different meaning. For a period the empty chair represented his absence.
Those who have suffered a loss understand grief is not linear – it comes in waves at unpredictable times - a song, a smell, a holiday can trigger a memory. In the immediate aftermath of a loss, people understand – friends and family offer their support, and often perfect strangers reach out to help. Over time, even family members may be afraid to acknowledge the loss or utter their name.
On September 21, 2024 our son, Chris and his beautiful bride Amanda celebrated their wedding. During the reception they placed an empty chair at their table on which they put Brad’s high school hockey jersey. 23 years later, for Chris and his wife, the chair represented Brad’s presence to witness one of the most meaningful and profound occasions in their lives.
“Love doesn’t vanish – it shifts, it lingers and it learns to sit quietly in the space we keep open.” During this holiday, utter your loved one’s name, keep their memory alive through family traditions, and reflect on the important ways they touched your life.
The Empty Chair (Author Unknown)
I save a place for you, Not because you need it, But because I do.
I leave an empty chair for you, At days we once shared, Moments we once filled, Times that still live in my heart.
I keep a space beside me, Not expecting you to walk through the door, But honoring the love that still lingers, Quiet but unbroken.
Some say grief fades, But I have learned it changes shape. And this empty chair — Your chair — Reminds me that love does not end.
So I save a place for you, Not because you will return, But because you remain.